Recycled Resolutions

   Alright, alright, alright...time to shut up and write something already. Jeez. It is, after all, one of my New Year's Resolutions. (To write, that is. Not to shut up. God forbid).

   So every year at this time, I, like everyone else, compose my list of resolutions. Call it a wish list of sorts. It's not hard. Why? Because it's the same list EVERY FREAKIN' YEAR! Why? Because approximately 18 minutes after resolving to fix myself, I fall off of the proverbial wagon and stay exactly the same. Let's take a look at last year's list, shall we?

~Lose Weight. Well, I'm nothing if not sweepingly non-specific. I can honestly say that I lost weight this year. And gained it again. Then lost it again. And then found it. You get the picture.

~Exercise More. Yeah. Let's just say that this did not happen. Had it happened, I might have been more successful on that first resolution.  I have been getting so desperate to have ANYTHING that I can call exercise in my life that I am reduced to counting calories burned during a rousing 15 minute game of Wii tennis (about 85, if you find that kind of information helpful). 

~Quit Smoking. Okay, I actually did quit smoking in 2008 (4 months and counting). But don't give me any pats on the back for keeping a resolution. I have made the same promise every New Year's for probably 15 years. What made this year different? Well, for one thing, my son (bless his heart) bothered me and made me feel guilty EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  Also, every night when I laid down to go to sleep, I made sounds similar to those of a far-off train. One that has a very old engine. And is trying to make it up a very large hill. I think I can't, I think I can't...wheeze

~And lastly, Eat Better. But (loophole) I never

specified better than what! Ah ha! I guess I did succeed.

I did, in fact, eat better. I eat better than most people.

If by better you mean lots of things like chocolate. If 

you mean lots of things like carrots, well then, no. I did 

not eat better.

So this year, I am trying something different. I am

making a resolution every day. I even got myself a

pretty purple notebook in which to write them down. 

They are more mini-goals and less huge, sweeping

demands. Things like "drink 8 glasses of water", "lift

weights for 20 mins.", "clean out sock drawer". You get

the idea. That's as close as I'm getting to a resolution in

2009. Because, frankly, I'm sick of Resolution Reverb. 

That's that faint echo somewhere in the darkest recess

of your mind: "Loser... loser... loser". This way, I can 

high-five myself EVERY DAY. And if I do happen to slack

off, what the hell. It's only a mini-failure, as opposed to

a whole year's worth.

GO, ME!